A statement from the publisher
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PrintWe ran the wedding announcement because we felt, as a community newspaper, that it was our job to serve the entire community — something we have been doing for 80 years.
We did not expect the heated response we got, and — in truth — we believe now that we may have acted too quickly in issuing the follow-up statement, responding only to one segment of the community.
We are now having meetings with local rabbis and community leaders. We will also be printing, in the paper and online, many of the letters that have been pouring in since our statement was published.
We urge everyone to take a step back and reflect on what this series of events has taught us about the community we care so much about, and about the steps we must take to move forward together.
James Janoff, PublisherNew Jersey Jewish Standard
Flag CommentMy heart is full of gratitude to hear you are taking a step back from your statement that you will no longer publish wedding celebration announcements for same-sex couples.
Thank you for being willing to reconsider that opinion and to allow for a full community discussion. This will provide a “teachable moment” for everyone to consider the wisdom of erasing the expression and declaration of happiness and family for LGBT people and their extended family within the Jewish community.
Thank you!
I hope that whoever forced you into apologizing for something that was actually a wonderful step forward for your paper, sees what the larger Jewish community feels about what they made you do.
Sadly, I fear, the Ultra Orthodox don’t care about the image that Judaism projects to the world, and instead only cares about promoting their narrow minded ideals. To allow a Jewish publication to essentially become the laughingstock of the entire internet for a day shows a complete disregard on their part for how Judaism is perceived in the world.
I hope that the staff of the Standard will have the strength and the finances to stand up to such bullying in the future, and to do what they originally thought was right - be open, progressive, and also inclusive of LGBT jews.
That’s a start. And an appreciated one. While it should be a no-brainer that diversity is something to be celebrated (it is vital to survival, after all), I do understand the pressure you’re being expected to endure. But I also expect you to endure it, and stick to your mission of serving the whole community.
Thanks for your reconsideration.
I’m not going to say “thanks” for your reconsideration on the subject like some other people. I’m taking a step back and I’m still baffled by the quick kowtowing to these Orthodox Rabbis SO quickly- like they were the Sopranos threatening cement shoes.
Granted, I’m thrilled you think you may have acted in haste, but it looks like cartoon capers over there. I’d like to know how this bright idea got passed through so quickly and whomever thought it was the right thing to do should be fired. It’s EMBARRASSING, not even as Jews, but just as a newspaper with a mission statement that CLEARLY states it’s not affiliated with any particular group.
Dear Mr. Janoff,
In the spirit of community building, I thank you for your reconsidering of the issue. However this sticks in my craw a wee bit.
“We urge everyone to take a step back and reflect on what this series of events has taught us about the community we care so much about, and about the steps we must take to move forward together.”
On what do I need to reflect? What lesson is there for me to learn (other than they don’t want to hear if my nephew gets engaged). So, obviously, this suggestion is not relevant to me.
This is not really relevant to the Reform, Conservative, or Reconstructionist movements either. They understand and practice community building…sorta. It’s what they do.
This is not even about the opinion of members of the Orthodox community who find same-sex marriage offensive. We will not change their position.
This is about you. You need to reflect on how you choose to report. Your urging for reflection and lesson learning is for you. You need to learn from the events. You need to assure your readership that your editorial decisions with regard to the sharing of information are not impacted by pressure from those who would shape the news to reflect their interests.
It is no secret that a portion of the Orthodox community, especially as it exists in Israel, has had an undue influence on the lives of the majority of Jews both within and outside of Israel’s borders. The legitimacy of Same-sex marriage, Jews-by-choice, Ethiopians are all subject to debate because of those members of the Orthodox community who promote their understanding of the Torah and its teachings not as another perspective, but as THE WAY, and to the exclusion of others. Neither the Conservative, the Reform, nor the Reconstructionist movements espouse exclusion.
The anger voiced in many of the letters reflect not only a response to your poor judgement, but to the fact that, once again, this minority managed to force an apology from you for reporting an event. That desire to exclude and divide is unique to them, and by your actions, tacitly supported by you.
So I am a little offended by your suggestion that I need to reflect, and by that suggestion, the implication that this is a balanced issue. Those in the orthodox community need to reflect, and allow for difference in opinion and practice as there has been since the time of the Talmud. You as editor need to remember your mandate to report objectively the happenings in the Jewish Community without bias.
Me? I need to reflect on my decision to support your publication in the future.
Toooooooo late. This is a nice learning experience for you guys. Lets say you decide to post something shocking in the future (Possibly a biting editorial on the messed up hierarchy of the modern Jewish religion) and the internet FREAKS OUT, What do you do?
A: You IMMEDIATELY post a discussion piece and lay out both sides arguments, then you invite the readers to discuss the issue. This will diffuse culpability on your part and make you appear neutral between two opposing ideologies.
Bam, free, for you.
Recently, my Rabbi told us “It all boils down to the Golden Rule, doesn’t it?”.
I just want to say I’m astounded by the comments on this forum. In the best way possible I am flabbergasted by the insight of the individual comments made here.
I feel anger on occasion; I feel that me feeling these things is in some way wrong. But you guys are so right… There is no question as to whether to include a respectful, caring, loving group of people to communities, discussions, newspapers, our lives. Of course, if as a whole you deem a group ‘dangerous’, and seek to exclude them, then that can be justified. But you cannot create your own definition of ‘dangerous’. You cannot look at loving people, good people and rightly say they do not deserve a place. And I know it sounds hippy-like, and liberal, but it’s the truth… I know it’s right because there are places where this exists. There are communities that are open to anyone seeking a more understanding world; and they are beautiful places to be, especially for those who don’t necessarily fit in, or worse, have been hurt by a world that would never accept them for who they are.
So thank you all for your positivity, it has taught me a great lesson. Thanks to the newspaper for taking what you feel is a difficult step, and hopefully one day will live in a world with no angry letters inscribed with quills of bigotry and spite.
I’m not your typical Passaic orthodox Jew. I’d fit in much better in Teaneck.
I’ve reached the point where I don’t care who anyone marries or what anyone does. Let Israel recognize your conversions and marriages. Print what you want. But I don’t want to read your paper, or our community’s version of it anymore. I won’t tell your religion what to do anymore; you don’t tell me what I have to believe, what I have to read, where I have to shop, or where to advertise. We can get along very fine without you, thank you very much.
It is notable that these brave Rabbis have stepped up and identified themselves. How about the standard redeem itself by telling us exactly what happened. It is probably not the first or last time these tactics have been used. Where is the RCBCstatement about the appropriateness of these tactics? As always when moral questions appear they disappear.
Yasher koach Avi and Justin
I have long thought that the ultra Orthodox has far more in common with the Wahaabist Clercs in Saudi Arabia than with the jewish Community at large. Once again this just underlines that point for me.
Let me see if I understand the course of your statements. First, you issue the wedding announcement, implying to same-sex couples, “We accept you.” Then you retract it, making a clear statement: “We do not accept you.” And now, you’re trying to retract your retraction, saying, “we do not…not accept you.”
For the Jewish Standard to employ the language that you did in your paper—to say that you cause “pain and consternation” to those who, frankly, are not nearly as hurt by the publishing of the announcement as those affected by its retraction, is a shameful act on your part.
The Jewish community in New Jersey of all places, home to Rutgers University, and less than one week after the tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi—a death clearly resulting from the shame with which society afflicts same-sex couples—should hold itself to a higher, more dignified and truly loving “Standard.”
Give Us Their Names!!
The only way for you to get out of this mess, Jewish Standard, is if you publish the circumstances of your apology. Tell the world who forced you into this, and then maybe you can come clean as a journalistic publication.
If whoever it is feels the need to remain anonymous, then that is all the more a red flag for all of us that they themselves are spineless and have no sense of morality, which sadly wouldn’t surprise me of Orthodox leaders.
I’m happy to see that the paper will reconsider; excluding gay people from your marriage announcements means excluding good people from the community.
I find the invocation to “take a step back and reflect on what this series of events has taught us about the community we care so much about” quite meaningful. Here’s what I learned:
1) Jewish communal institutions (like your paper) don’t act on principle, but respond to communal pressure; thus, if we want institutions to become more gay-friendly, we shouldn’t waste time with reason, just threaten boycott.
2) That said, a community of concerned people exists, who overwhelmingly support the struggle for equality, and can triumph over those who don’t. That’s inspiring.
3) Those in power often use “pain and consideration” to justify conservatism, without any good reason.
Raff Magarik
While my Jewish community experiences in Bergen County are mostly limited to my membership at Temple Avodat Sholom, I think it is important for all Jews in our community to confront the engagement announcement of Avichai David Smolen and Justin Taylor Rosen. Therefore, as UJA/NNJ and all Jewish Federations provide common leadership to our community (and all communities around the globe), I urge our leadership in UJA to use this as an opportunity to engage and confront this controversy.
The beauty of Judaism is and has always been grounded in its’ diversity. This goes beyond the Liberal, Conservative, and Orthodox movements. We at Temple Avodat Sholom welcome Jewish members of many colors, languages, cognitive and other individual needs. Sadly, some of our members may not considered “Jewish” based on the interpretations from some religious sects. However as I see it, not only are they Jews, but they are the same Jews who will be leading great segments of our religion in the future. Therefore, unknowingly Mr Smolen and Mr Rosen’s “simcha” can serve as a catalyst for our Jewish community to build better and stronger bridges for all North Jersey Jews.
I must admit that I have not made an operational donation to UJA in many years. However, that is going to change today when I make a pledge in honor of Smolen and Rosen’s engagement. I am asking anyone who feels as I do, to consider doing the same. I especially ask those who have chosen not to donate to UJA for one reason or another (such as myself) to re-think this decision. My son is named for a relative who died far too young because he was not proud of who he was (like Smolen and Rosen); and my daughter is a Jew of Chinese decent. My donation will also be in their honor, as well as, anyone else whose individualism may be questioned by some in our Jewish community. Again, please consider doing the same. The time for change and acceptance may be right in front of us if we are willing to face it.
Errol Seltzer
Fair Lawn NJ
Your paper reacted to the “pain and consternation” felt by the Orthodox community by the publication of a wedding announcement? Is this the same community that expresses its “pain and consternation” at women holding a Torah by throwing garbage at them? Is this the community that expresses its “pain and contsernation” at the presence of a woman on a bus by having her sit in the back on certain bus rouites in Jerusalem? Folks can call hate, sexism and bigotry by whatever names they want, but lets stop hiding behind the shield of religion.
Our country saw segments of the white population express “pain and consternation” at having to share water fountains, buses and schools with African-Americans. We are proud that we did not let that segment of society prevail. We need to make our community proud. So, bravo for publishing the announcment. Shame on you for your initial response. The final verdict remains to be seen.
My advice to the newspaper is to stop printing all engagements and marriages and print only notices of children that are born to married couples. Make everyone happy. You are in a no win situation otherwise.
We lived in Teaneck for close to 30 years and we loved the diversity and tolerance for all people that existed in our community. When we first heard about your decision to not publish any more same sex marriage announcements in the Jewish Standard, we felt so disappointed and wondered what happened to the community we had left 16 years ago. Does the orhodox have that much power to influence the press? We hope not and we are pleased that you are rethinking your decision. Even the New York Times publishes same sex marriages and committment ceremonies.
Although I can understand why the Orthodox community would shun this kind of a thing, due to laws in the Torah. However, G-d created people who are attracted to same gender as them and don’t feel comfortable with what is normal, therefore why should they be shunned. They are just like we are G-d’s creation. The public should be more concerned and outraged about murder or sexual abuse and mistreatment of others in a community instead of peaceful people. There are a lot more gay and lesbian Orthodox Jews than you realize. Some have enough strength to come out about it, while others don’t and still are the way they are you just don’t know it. Don’t be too quick to judge someone based on their sexual preference. Take a look at how you can improve yourself instead.
Why shouldn’t someone share something happy and special, the paper did nothing wrong so deal with it.
I just think it’s wrong to have my kids see a Jewish newspaper condoning a clear Torah prohibition. Do we want our kids to grow up thinking that the Torah is not relevant?
To Yaacov:
The job of a newspaper is to report the news. What do your kids think about the advertisements for non-Kosher restaurants in the newspaper, or for the news articles about activities that take place on Friday nights and Saturdays that violate the Sabbath commandment?
As an ardent civil libertarian and devoted reader of the STANDARD I have been terribly upset with the STANDARD’‘S initial reaction to the community response to the posting of the two men’s wedding announcement. I am elated to know that ALL the news that the publisher of this worthy jewish newspaper decides is noteworthy will be considered for publication in the future.
Frankly, the only people who have to “step back and reflect on what this series of events has taught us” are those on the editorial staff of The Jewish Standard.
You quickly and without mercy threw an entire segment of our community under the bus, bowing to the supposed “pain” caused to a small group by publishing a wedding announcement. You completely disregarded the the real pain you caused the couple, their families and all of us who raised our voices.
There’s really nothing to reflect on. You should have known better.
